Before I start off, I should probably emphasize how much I love my parents. I would not trade them for the world and will forever love, cherish, and respect them.
All that aside, for the first time ever, I felt legitimately angry at my parents and for the first time I felt like I could actually gather up the strength inside of me to stand up to them.
I am a well brought up woman. My parents did a very good job raising me. However, they also did a very good job instilling fear in me. I stay away from trouble(for the most part), my priorities are right, I have a good head on my shoulders and even when I slip I always remember and know what I am suppose to do and I always do it.
However, I cannot seem to do me or be me around my parents. I feel like I need to do everything they ask me to do or be everything they want me to be.
Out of respect for them I do all they ask me to do and the pressure of knowing that my entire existence is based on them pushes my desire to respect them even more. But I am done feeling guilty for things I have not even done. I am done feeling like I have to live in the box when I am around them and cannot truly be myself. I want to be treated like an adult and I deserve to be.
I have already been pressured to do a lot of things against my will. A very true recent example is my education and now I am having to bear the consequences for not having been firm enough and stuck to what I knew would be best for me.
Well I finally did gather up the courage to let it all out. I expressed myself fully to my parents and let them in on how much pressure I really am under and gave them an idea of how much I fear them. I like to think that the conversation went well. It was painful but It went well. What I fear, however, is whether or not this will result in better communication and a better understanding. What I do know is I will no longer bottle up all these hard feelings and will be more assertive with my parents. We are all adults around here now might as well start acting like it.
