Where do I begin with this? Trust has a very broad range of definitions but the one I want to focus on today is the following :
definition:Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.
Those are some very powerful words to use in a definition.
I have struggled with trusting a lot this year. I have not been able to find it in me to have 'firm reliance in the integrity, ability, and character of a special person'.
I know where all the doubts I have ever had have come from and many a times I have even been given reason not to trust but still I find a way of holding onto even the smallest hint at hope.
Why?
Tuesday, March 30, 2010
Color Complex
As I sat in a classroom filled with black women taking about the difference between being a dark skinned black woman and a light skinned black woman, I could not help but cry.
Light skinned women are seen to be prettier, they are envied by most, they are not as oppressed, they are set apart from the rest. Their fair skin, light eyes, curly hair and 'white' features rank them closer to white than black and so they are automatically the better of the black women.
Light skinned black babies are cuter, light skinned little girls are smarter, light skinned ladies are more sexually appealing, light skinned women are the black woman of choice.
I am a light skinned woman and I HATE MY LIGHT SKIN!
As a little girl I was made fun of. The kids in the neighborhood used to call me 'white pikin'. My long nose and light skin were seen as different and the kids would point and laugh at me.
My father, mother, sisters, brother, uncles, aunties, cousins, grand parents, friends, pastor, etc were all dark skinned black men and women. where ever I went i stood out. In family pictures everyone always asked, 'Who is that light skinned one?' My parents were constantly being questioned about my lighter skin and everytime I would have to stand there with my head down wishing that I did not have to hear them, once again, convince these nosey people that I was indeed their child, I was just lighter skinned.
At school all my friends were dark skinned black boys and girls. I never went unnoticed. I stood out on the assembly grounds, in the classroom, and even when I just wanted to be by myself.
When the curves started to grow in, and my girlfriends and I had our little click where we talked about boys, and make-up and fashion and we would walk down the street, I always got the most attention. I would always here things like, 'Hey light skinned girl,' or to my friends they would say 'appele moi ta copine blanche'.
Even today as a college graduate, i still walk around wishing my skin was darker, wishing my hair was kinkier, wishing I didnt look so different from my family, my friends. I Hate my Light Skin!!!
But on the other hand, it angers me so much that I even have this complex. I want to be able to love the skin i'm in. I want to be able to walk around with my head held up high and not be classified by everyone who walks past me. I dont want to fall into the category of light skinned black woman as opposed to dark skinned black woman.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE AN AFRICAN WOMAN?!
An African woman with light skin, curly hair, and curves. No different from every other African/African-American/Black Woman.
Or better yet.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE A WOMAN?!
Why does the color of my skin have to determine how much attention i do or do not get? why does it have to affect how much oppression i have to go through?
#heartache
Light skinned women are seen to be prettier, they are envied by most, they are not as oppressed, they are set apart from the rest. Their fair skin, light eyes, curly hair and 'white' features rank them closer to white than black and so they are automatically the better of the black women.
Light skinned black babies are cuter, light skinned little girls are smarter, light skinned ladies are more sexually appealing, light skinned women are the black woman of choice.
I am a light skinned woman and I HATE MY LIGHT SKIN!
As a little girl I was made fun of. The kids in the neighborhood used to call me 'white pikin'. My long nose and light skin were seen as different and the kids would point and laugh at me.
My father, mother, sisters, brother, uncles, aunties, cousins, grand parents, friends, pastor, etc were all dark skinned black men and women. where ever I went i stood out. In family pictures everyone always asked, 'Who is that light skinned one?' My parents were constantly being questioned about my lighter skin and everytime I would have to stand there with my head down wishing that I did not have to hear them, once again, convince these nosey people that I was indeed their child, I was just lighter skinned.
At school all my friends were dark skinned black boys and girls. I never went unnoticed. I stood out on the assembly grounds, in the classroom, and even when I just wanted to be by myself.
When the curves started to grow in, and my girlfriends and I had our little click where we talked about boys, and make-up and fashion and we would walk down the street, I always got the most attention. I would always here things like, 'Hey light skinned girl,' or to my friends they would say 'appele moi ta copine blanche'.
Even today as a college graduate, i still walk around wishing my skin was darker, wishing my hair was kinkier, wishing I didnt look so different from my family, my friends. I Hate my Light Skin!!!
But on the other hand, it angers me so much that I even have this complex. I want to be able to love the skin i'm in. I want to be able to walk around with my head held up high and not be classified by everyone who walks past me. I dont want to fall into the category of light skinned black woman as opposed to dark skinned black woman.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE AN AFRICAN WOMAN?!
An African woman with light skin, curly hair, and curves. No different from every other African/African-American/Black Woman.
Or better yet.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE A WOMAN?!
Why does the color of my skin have to determine how much attention i do or do not get? why does it have to affect how much oppression i have to go through?
#heartache
Wednesday, March 24, 2010
If I Had My Way
You're who I desire.
You light my fire.
With every kiss
you take me higher.
Feeling like your loving
I just cannot resist.
There's something that's making me
hold on.
There's no one I'd rather share my good lovin with.
But I promised I'd wait till im ready for
this.
One day we'll make love
passion unheard of.
I'll be your woman.
If I had my way.
We will see heaven.
loving together.
we wont stop ever.
If I had my way
I love your touch.
It make's me crumble?
How it loves so much.
Look what you've done.
Please don't whisper anything else in my ear.
My body, my heart and my soul is high.
Let me find the strength to get on up outta here.
Cuz one day the way we feel
will be alright
I love you.
Mo doubt about it.
I wont change my mind.
Loves so true.
If I had my way
I will make love to you.
-Chrisette Michele
You light my fire.
With every kiss
you take me higher.
Feeling like your loving
I just cannot resist.
There's something that's making me
hold on.
There's no one I'd rather share my good lovin with.
But I promised I'd wait till im ready for
this.
One day we'll make love
passion unheard of.
I'll be your woman.
If I had my way.
We will see heaven.
loving together.
we wont stop ever.
If I had my way
I love your touch.
It make's me crumble?
How it loves so much.
Look what you've done.
Please don't whisper anything else in my ear.
My body, my heart and my soul is high.
Let me find the strength to get on up outta here.
Cuz one day the way we feel
will be alright
I love you.
Mo doubt about it.
I wont change my mind.
Loves so true.
If I had my way
I will make love to you.
-Chrisette Michele
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