Color Complex

As I sat in a classroom filled with black women taking about the difference between being a dark skinned black woman and a light skinned black woman, I could not help but cry.
Light skinned women are seen to be prettier, they are envied by most, they are not as oppressed, they are set apart from the rest. Their fair skin, light eyes, curly hair and 'white' features rank them closer to white than black and so they are automatically the better of the black women.
Light skinned black babies are cuter, light skinned little girls are smarter, light skinned ladies are more sexually appealing, light skinned women are the black woman of choice.
I am a light skinned woman and I HATE MY LIGHT SKIN!
As a little girl I was made fun of. The kids in the neighborhood used to call me 'white pikin'. My long nose and light skin were seen as different and the kids would point and laugh at me.
My father, mother, sisters, brother, uncles, aunties, cousins, grand parents, friends, pastor, etc were all dark skinned black men and women. where ever I went i stood out. In family pictures everyone always asked, 'Who is that light skinned one?' My parents were constantly being questioned about my lighter skin and everytime I would have to stand there with my head down wishing that I did not have to hear them, once again, convince these nosey people that I was indeed their child, I was just lighter skinned.
At school all my friends were dark skinned black boys and girls. I never went unnoticed. I stood out on the assembly grounds, in the classroom, and even when I just wanted to be by myself.
When the curves started to grow in, and my girlfriends and I had our little click where we talked about boys, and make-up and fashion and we would walk down the street, I always got the most attention. I would always here things like, 'Hey light skinned girl,' or to my friends they would say 'appele moi ta copine blanche'.
Even today as a college graduate, i still walk around wishing my skin was darker, wishing my hair was kinkier, wishing I didnt look so different from my family, my friends. I Hate my Light Skin!!!
But on the other hand, it angers me so much that I even have this complex. I want to be able to love the skin i'm in. I want to be able to walk around with my head held up high and not be classified by everyone who walks past me. I dont want to fall into the category of light skinned black woman as opposed to dark skinned black woman.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE AN AFRICAN WOMAN?!
An African woman with light skin, curly hair, and curves. No different from every other African/African-American/Black Woman.
Or better yet.
WHY CAN I NOT JUST BE A WOMAN?!
Why does the color of my skin have to determine how much attention i do or do not get? why does it have to affect how much oppression i have to go through?
#heartache